Look out Scotland: The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming!
Osborne warns Scots:
Independent Scotland next after Ukraine:
In a sensational interview with the press, George Osborne was quoted today warning Scotland, that ‘as an Independent country, it was next on Putins list.’
He said ‘ Of course, my rising concern viz a viz the Crimean situation, is the fall out. In this changing geopolitical and especially for the Scots, economic reality without the pound or any markets. You have to say its odds on Scotland will be invaded, probably before the Yes vote sober up after Independence is voted in.
 My good Scottish friend Binky Farquhar Farquharson, is simply aghast and is considering moving to the Camen Islands. How perfectly beastly for Binky, he has no desire to learn Russian!  And!  Face certain land reforms practically eradicating his estate to under a measly 5,000 sq miles…..and said so all night,  at a splendid dinner……..the other evening……..he generously threw at his splendid Castle, eh,….. up there’.
Asked for the Diplomatic and Intelligence Services evidence this claim was predicated upon, he continued.
‘ Now you chaps know fine well that it would be irresponsible in the extreme for me to put brave British servicemen’.
At this point someone shouted AND WOMEN.
Osborne continued.’well quite, women too , good grief yes and even more especially so. I  will not put their pretty little heads in harms way  by giving details and proof. My mother was a woman you know,  how dare you suggest such a perfectly horrid thing?’
You can say, I heard it from the ver Special Department,  we have set up to find out all the ghastly disasters that are currently awaiting around the Independence corner.’
‘ Independence is nearly as ridiculous for the Scots as trying to eat six helpings of Eton Mess washed down with lashings of ginger beer was for poor Bunty Baxter. Everything this department has come up with is splendid and will happen. And! It will be all their own fault,  if the Scots forget how we have looked after the poor things for absolutely ages and turn around and take all the oil, I mean power, I mean commit national suicide’.
The Chancellor left shortly there after for lunch with ‘his chums.’
Asked for his reaction to the news that Scotland was next on Russia’s list. Alex Salmond replied
‘Come again? The fanny said whit?
After extensive research by this publication I can exclusively reveal that, as yet, no actual foundation for this story has yet to present itself. Or is likely to. If you think about it.
Next Story; How Independence Makes You Fat.  Fact!